mysite blog

Consumer Exit Surveys - For when proper customer service hasn't entered

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 01:08:00 -0700

It's very seldom I've been asked to do consumer exit surveys, probably for the reason illustrated in the title, but when this last one came up, it really knocked me.

I was a customer of a very large Australian telephone company. With their uncompetitive broadband and telephone package, I served 4 years as a dutiful customer. I never really had many problems per se, but frequently saw cheaper deals with other companies advertised elsewhere.

Not having suffered any real issues (i.e. - never having to speak to their customer service department), I didn't bother moving to another provider. It seemed easier to stay put.

So after 4 years of a mediocre deal and inaction on my part, the whole fiasco began when I moved house. This was when I actually had to deal face to face (or ear to ear) with this company and realised how downright terrible (to the point of being traumatising) their customer service was.

As the house I was moving into already had a phone line installed, used by the previous tenant two weeks earlier (with the same service provider), I anticipated that the reconnection process was going to be fairly straightforward. I wasn't transferring my old phone number and the existing phone line was functioning properly.

However, no.

Nothing could have prepared me for the shock and my continuing disbelief that then prevailed. After the ordeal of dealing with them I felt like I needed therapy. As part of the healing process, I've had to put many of the incidental, niggly details to the back of my mind, just to retain my own sanity.

To summarise, I made over 25 phone calls, was put on hold for a total of more than 40 hours, usually waiting about 45 minutes at a time, often to find out I was put through to the wrong department, then to be put on hold again for about another 30 minutes to find out I was put through to the wrong department, again, and then be put on hold, again, for another 30 minutes or so. This happened nearly every time I phoned up.

When I did eventually manage to get through to the 'right department', promises were made to call me back or take action on the issue and consistently broken (this occurred at least 6 times). In total I must have spoken to at least 45 different people, including about 8 supervisors and was told nearly as many conflicting things by this many people.

I was not a happy camper. All I wanted was to have an existing, functioning phone line reconnected, in an urban area. How difficult can it be for Australia's largest telephone company to do that? Obviously very.

Each time I called them, I asked for my concerns to be recorded (and was promised every time they would be). Annoyingly however, each time I called again (after not getting the promised call backs), I had to re-explain the situation from scratch (which was becoming more and more tangled up and needlessly complicated). This multi-headed behemoth obviously didn't know its head from its other heads, or tail.

After about 3 weeks of banging my head against a wall and still no resolution (not even an ETA as to when this could be sorted out), I was now very frustrated. This was getting beyond a joke.

Needless to say, I eventually parted company with this cancerous ogre and found another supplier, only to find out that they had to go through this same company to access the phone line. In total, it took over 6 weeks to get this existing phone line reconnected.

When I did change supplier, still having to wait another 2 and a half weeks was more of an inconvenience than an aggravation. Their customer service was much better and they were a lot friendlier.

The new company never kept on hold for more than 5 or 10 minutes at a time and the relevant departments who could deal with my situation were open after 3pm Western Australian time (unlike the other company, who was not contactable outside of Sydney office hours). And they called me back when they promised to.

I was so happy that I eventually moved providers. This ogre telephone company promised to phone me back at least 6 times when I was their customer. Not a peep.

But hey! Guess what? As soon as I said 'bye bye' and went elsewhere, 'ring, ring', it's ogre telco asking me to do an exit survey!

Ha, ha! Are you serious? The short answer was 'No'. Absolutely not!

The Simply Red song lyrics came to mind "If you don't know me by now...".

Corny pop culture references aside, I have to say I was simply reddened by their barefaced cheek.

What was the point of this survey? I gave them so many opportunities to address my concerns when I was their customer. Maybe these exit surveys look good on paper.

If a team of faceless, overpaid yes men can give themselves a nice pat on the back for monumentally doing nothing, except pretending that they are interested in customer feedback, I guess they can call that 'a job well done'.

My job was to move service providers, which I should have done much, much sooner.

Passionately trite

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 00:47:00 -0700

Comedian and actor David Mitchell gets passionate about the (mis)use of the word 'passion'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz2-49q6DOI

Hard Sell Copywriting - Does the 'magic' really work?

Mon, 29 Mar 2010 13:51:00 -0700

DON'T READ ANYTHING UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THIS!

So you ask yourself, do I need to use hard-sell 'emotional response' marketing techniques to drive my sales into the stratosphere?

Maybe you feel you have to (especially if your product is poor). But regardless of what anyone tells you, overt hard-selling can never 'guarantee' that your sales will be driven into the stratosphere, no matter how good (or bad) your product is.

Personally I don't like hard-selling techniques, copy written or face to face. I think most are tacky, aggressive and far too commonly used. My preference for more placid communication may fly in the face of what some copywriting 'greats' say. Apparently, their skills are proven and will help you generate more revenue than any other copywriting method.

Sorry, I have to go back to square one and say again 'I don't like it'. Arguably, you could say that the bold headline (meant in a tongue in cheek way) 'Don't read anything until you have read this!' caught your attention and motivated you to read on.

We're motivated to pull Christmas crackers, but most of us know more often than not, there'll be a disappointing, if not worthless prize at the end.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE...

Now before I carry on, I am referring to the very extreme end of marketing persuasion (aggression). The main examples I can refer to are the extreme direct response letters I've seen published online and the associated websites that sell this type of direct response marketing, all with bold titles, often centre aligned and written in BLOCK RED CAPITALS, causing people to ACT. URGENTLY. (Apparently.)

I've also received direct response letters in the post, but they always seem to mysteriously end up in the bin before I read them.

On some websites I've read that the effects of great emotional response marketing will cause consumers' hearts to take over their heads. Enchanted by this mystical and carefully crafted emotional persuasion, their hopes and / or fears are highlighted and they are driven into a frenzy where they just cannot resist buying your product.

Are people really that swayed by being told what to think and do with such insincere (and often irrelevant) empathy?

AS SEEN ON TV

Most of us have seen those silly infomercials selling zit creams to vacuum cleaners and everything in-between. With these sort of ads, I feel there seems to be too much emphasis on inflated personal benefits and very little emphasis on the real quality or value of the product. The dialogue, although carefully constructed, often seems to border on a joke. By my masochistic nature, I do find some of these infomercials perversely entertaining, though have never been inclined to buy anything from any of them.

THE SECRETS OF 'EMOTIONAL RESPONSE' UNRAVELLED

The closely guarded secrets of the marketing champions (often available on a PDF file for around 50 bucks) will not only get people to pay attention to your ads but get them to respond. (When these techniques are used on me, I deem vomiting as a response.)

Whatever the 'secrets' are, with this type of advertising, I've noticed the same type of words and emotive deliberation (rhetoric) being used to sell almost anything. Which to me is the problem. Our collective consciousness is being repetitively bombarded with the same trite language. This forceful emulation of somewhat uncreative techniques must be well past (or at least close to) its sell by date.

ACT NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

The majority of the general public are becoming more discerning, or at least hardened to this type of pushy selling. Completely anaesthetised and increasingly sceptical, people now prefer clarity and honesty in marketing.

Intelligent individuals don't want to be shouted at or feel that they're being manipulated. Most consumers love plain old honest information with genuine integrity, particularly when it's free and especially online.

With a flood of different sources of information at nearly everyone's fingertips, consumers are becoming increasingly conscious about making their own buying decisions, based upon their own deciding factors.

The end of contrived and aggressive hype, gimmicks and exaggerations is nigh. Buying persuasion is now coming from within the consumers, not the marketers.

Redefinition redefined

Mon, 15 Feb 2010 03:59:00 -0800

Blogger Tim Phillips defines (or redefines) the opacity of the buzzword 'redefine'.

http://talknormal.co.uk/2010/02/15/redefining-the-envelope/

Sugared water, cardboard fries and hyperbolic lies

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 01:36:00 -0800

Exaggeration, inflated promises and economical truths have been used to sell products for decades. However a newer, more arrogant type of verbal hyperbole appears to be emerging. Something I like to call 'overcopywriting' or 'post-exhaustive marketing'.

Two 'culprits' I can identify include one of the fizzy sugared water multinationals and another global organisation fronted by a disturbing clown with a heart of gold who, when not advocating physical exercise and spending time trying to help sick kids, encourages children to eat cardboard with lashings and lashings of salt, sugar and MSG.

I was 'dining' at one of these 'pre-eminent' fast food outlets a few weeks ago. Ok, I'm not proud, but I was hungry and it seemed convenient at the time. Whilst slurping my sugared water and 50% ice, I was greeted with some lovely commercial poetry on the cup about how I'm going to enjoy my cool, refreshing sugared water experience or something to that effect.

It's a soft drink. That's all it is. Nothing more.

And if I'm going to split hairs here, it didn't quench my thirst either. All that aside, I was curious as to why these mutant overmarketers felt the need to try and glorify and further advertise the sugared water 'experience' in this way. I'd handed over my money, 'ker-ching', the sale was made. Why the need to further go on about it? Shouldn't the product speak for itself?

Moving on to the burger, I noticed more rhetoric on the grease saturated cardboard box, about the patty being 100% Australian beef. Ok, I might not have guessed this from the low grade of this particular carnivorous experience. Apparently the burger included cuts of beef I would find in a supermarket. It's comforting to know that I wasn't eating entirely hooves, snouts, intestines, etc.

They didn't specify exactly how much of these types of cuts were included in the patty. Hopefully, proportionally more than the amount of added salt. I could also mention what was written on the box of salt (which had reconstituted fried starch added for good measure), but I think you get the point here.

Fortunately, not every large company over promotes like this, though this type of over advertising seems to be popping up more frequently. Next time you see a choice of fizzy sugared water for sale, you can easily read for yourself which company is the 'over promoter'.

Now I'm not anti-marketing, but this continual bombardment of commercial propaganda by a select few companies is tantamount to brainwashing. At the end of the day, these companies must really believe that this excessive self-congratulatory and somewhat unnecessary celebration of the ordinary gives them a competitive edge.

What it gives to me is the vibe of a pushy second-hand car dealer harping on about how his rusty, rickety bag of bolts is a truly reliable, great drive and a rare find in such good condition.

I think I can decide for myself, thank you.

Well, at least the car dealer's ploy is understandable as he hasn't yet made the sale and probably needs the money. With a few of these commercial giants however, I guess mammoth profits and global market domination just aren't enough for them.

Which leads me to ask, how stupid do they think we are, or how stupid are we?

Roles vs. jobs

Thu, 14 Jan 2010 04:12:00 -0800

An interesting article published on the Good Copy, Bad Copy blog; "Roles" versus "jobs" exposes the reality of the pretentious (and far too frequently used) corporate term "role".

http://www.daccreative.co.uk/goodcopybadcopy/2009/06/15/%E2%80%9Croles%E2%80%9D-versus-%E2%80%9Cjobs%E2%80%9D-or-how-the-economic-crisis-has-exposed-an-insidious-corporate-euphemism/

Too much junk mail

Wed, 13 Jan 2010 05:14:00 -0800

I don't know if I'm alone in noticing this, but the amount of junk mail being posted in our letter boxes appears to have increased dramatically over the past few months. More junk is arriving nearly every day.

In one week, I usually get at least 30 pieces of junk mail (sometimes more), mainly from the same advertisers, particularly large corporations. I normally don't mind receiving advertising in the post and this hasn't been a problem before, but now it's getting beyond a joke.

Do these advertisers think about what this is doing to the environment? I'm continually filling my recycle bin with more and more of this stuff. Some may say that the hurdle of marketing in a tough economy justifies this sort of wastage, I don't think it does.

I'm really not against the principle of mail advertising, but this overindulgence being practiced by the corpulent, self-serving few seems to be ruining the potential of this marketing method for normal, less intense advertisers. By overdoing it, most people sooner or later are simply going to shut off (or request to have no further junk mail), a great marketing avenue flogged and exhausted.

To me, there seems to be a distinct lack of moderation amongst a handful of larger (and exponentially more frequent) advertisers, which I'm beginning to find very intrusive. Maybe it's time to put a 'no junk mail' sticker on my mail box.

Tips for Hiring a Copywriter

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 16:20:00 -0800

Found an excellent article; Tips for Hiring a Copywriter. Straightforward, sound advice and a pretty good read.

http://jrotman.wordpress.com/tips-for-hiring-a-copywriter/

All for the sake of 30 cents

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:00:00 -0800

I was in a supermarket a few weeks ago, not where I normally shop, as it's quite overpriced (some items up to 50% more than other places). But it was nearby and convenient at the time.

In the drinks fridge, I spotted these cans of energy drink labelled '$3'. It was a brand I hadn't tried before and I thought I'd give it a go, as all the other drinks there were more expensive. Walking to the checkout, I remember thinking, I bet this will scan for more than $3.

And it did. It came up $3.32. I questioned this with the cashier, who responded with some nonsense about why the scanned price can't be wrong and it should cost this amount. Not convinced (and me being the obstinate 'person' that I am), I wasn't going to accept it. This and every other can in the fridge had a label clearly marked '$3'.

I said if charging me $3 is that much hassle, I just won't buy it, don't worry about it. But she did worry and got flustered and then called for her supervisor. After he came over, I thought he'd just put the can through at 3 bucks and I'd be on my way. But oh no, it had to be charged at $3.32! I then told him, I'm really not that bothered, I'll just leave it, thank you.

He seemed strangely upset about losing the sale (even though I had bought other items) and asked me "Are you sure you don't want this?". My response was "Not unless you want to charge me $3 for it.". He then proceeded to give me a string of convoluted excuses. Ok, whatever. I really couldn't care less at this stage.

But the best bit came about 2 minutes later. After I finished paying the cashier, the supervisor returned to tell me "That $3 isn't Australian dollars.". I was nearly in hysterics! I didn't realise for the extra 30 cents you got comedy. What a peculiar approach to business.

'Interesting' Customer Service

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 00:44:00 -0700

I went to a restaurant in Northbridge a few weeks ago (I won't say which). We had a nice meal, service was ok, everything seemed fine.

Whilst we were eating, I noticed this lady behind the counter, I guess the manager, on the phone having a really long, drawn out conversation. Maybe she was catching up with a long lost friend or something. I remember thinking to myself, what if someone needs to phone the restaurant, quite possibly a customer?

Anyway, a good hour later, we finished our meal and got up to pay. While handing over my bank card, the waiter sheepishly asked if we could pay by cash. Confused by fact that they had an EFTPOS machine on the front counter, I saw the waiter's eye turn round to this woman, still on the phone yakking, looking like she had absolutely no intention of finishing up soon.

We didn't have any cash (not that that was the point) and just laughed. Needless to say the woman eventually noticed and got off the phone so we could pay using the EFTPOS machine.

What I found really amusing was how the staff member was more comfortable about asking us to pay cash, rather than actually confronting his boss and asking her to get off the phone. I think this says quite a bit about the work politics you get in many places, set ups where 'subordinates' are so worried about getting into line with their managers, that they'll even do this at the cost of the customers.

Bull fighting

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 23:12:00 -0700

Stumbled across an interesting website, apparently intended to get people back to basics when it comes to their business speak. A humorous and light-hearted look into the world of 'corporatese'. (This link is intended for entertainment purposes only. I am not promoting or necessarily endorsing the information or products on this website.)

http://fightthebull.com/book.asp

New website now live!

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 09:00:00 -0700

Ok, website's up, now I have to write my first blog. I've been humming and harring about what to write for days. Trying to think of a suitable idea has been a bit tricky. Now I could take the corporate route and keep my blog content strictly related to the business of copywriting. But I won't. And I don't believe that I have to, as I feel that being a writer, any form of written communication can be relevant to the business. So here goes...

I moved to Perth from the UK about 5 years ago now. And before I get any Sandgroper's back up, I'd like to point out that I think Perth is a wonderful city, a very easy and comfortable place to live. But one thing I have noticed is a shortage of decent Indian restaurants.

Now I do admit, in the UK I had it good, living just over half an hour's drive from Birmingham, my town had a fantastic selection of some of the best Indian restaurants. It appears around Birmingham, Indian chefing is incredibly competitive, probably tantamount to the competition between fellow copywriters. Which is great, because I feel that this keeps standards up, benefiting everyone.

So what don't I like about the majority of Perth Indian restaurants? (And trust me, I've been to at least 70% of them.) In one word, the food. I've noticed in many Perth Indian restaurants, they've paid incredibly meticulous attention to every detail except the food (in my opinion).

So what's wrong with the food? In another word, bland. I'm not sure if some Perth Indian chefs have sanitised the flavour to try and appeal to European Australian palates. But all in all, to me, it just doesn't compare with what I've had in the UK. In fact, I've only found one Indian restaurant in Perth that I like. I think the staff there are bemused (in a good way) by the fact that I've been going there nearly every week for the past three years.

If any Indian restaurateur cares to disagree with me, please let me know. If I haven't been to your restaurant before, I promise I will try it out and hopefully you can prove me wrong. Admittedly my taste for Indian food is subjective, as many of the Indian restaurants in Perth I don't like are quite often packed with customers.